Is My Parent Developing Dementia? Early Signs to Watch

Is my parent developing dementia? That question haunted me long before I was ready to face it. At first, I brushed off my mom’s forgetfulness, the missed appointments, the repeated stories. But something deeper was unfolding, and eventually, I couldn’t ignore it.

This story isn’t just about memory loss. It’s about what happens when the signs start stacking up, and how you find the courage to face them with empathy and clarity.

Is My Parent Developing Dementia, Or Just Forgetful?

My mom was active, sharp, and 74. She walked daily, stayed social, and laughed a lot. So when she misplaced her glasses again or retold a story at dinner, I smiled and let it go. Everyone forgets things, right?

But soon, the milk was in the pantry. Bills were unpaid. She forgot our Sunday calls, something she’d never missed before. I started asking myself: Is my parent developing dementia, or is she just tired? Those whispers turned into alarms I could no longer ignore.

The Holiday That Changed Everything

I’ll never forget walking into the kitchen and seeing smoke, the oven had been set to broil instead of bake, and she’d forgotten it was on. The look in her eyes wasn’t just forgetfulness. It was fear.

We sat down that night with tears and trembling honesty. I didn’t accuse. I didn’t push. I simply said, “I think it’s time we get some support.” That moment opened the door to everything that came next.

Steps to Take If You Think Your Parent Is Developing Dementia

Support doesn’t start with a diagnosis. It starts with attention. Here’s what I did:

• Documented changes — dates, behaviors, shifts in routines
• Scheduled a doctor’s appointment — and went with her as support and a second set of ears
• Explored memory care options early, not during a crisis
• Reminded her (and myself) that getting help wasn’t failure — it was safety

These steps gave us breathing room. They also brought relief, because we weren’t waiting for a breaking point to act.

The Why Beneath the Words

When a parent resists help or grows defensive, it’s often not about you. It’s fear, of losing control, identity, independence. It can come out as anger or shutdown. But beneath that is grief.

This lens, what we call The Why Beneath the Words, lets us see the emotion behind the behavior. Once you understand that, you can respond with calm, not criticism.

Instead of, “Why are you forgetting everything?” try, “I’ve noticed some changes lately, and I want to make sure you feel safe.”

If Something Feels Off, Trust That

If you’re seeing small shifts — forgetting names, confusion about routines, missed meds, listen to your gut. You don’t have to label it right away. Just start noticing. Start tracking.

Ask yourself: Is my parent developing dementia, or is this just a stressful season? Even if you don’t know the answer, noticing is a powerful first step.

You can also download our free Memory Care Guide with signs, conversation tips, and planning checklists.

FAQs

How do I know if it’s dementia or normal aging?
Some forgetfulness is normal. But consistent confusion, mood changes, or safety concerns might be signs of early dementia. Document patterns.

What if my parent denies anything is wrong?
Denial is often fear in disguise. Start small. Share your observations gently. Avoid confrontation.

Should I see a specialist or start with a primary care doctor?
Start with their primary doctor. They can run tests and refer to a neurologist if needed.

How do I talk to my siblings about this?
Use facts, not fear. Share what you’ve noticed, invite them to observe too, and suggest a joint conversation.

A Small Story to Hold Onto

One caregiver shared this:

“I thought she was being forgetful on purpose. But when I really looked, I saw her fear. She wasn’t stubborn. She was scared.”

That shift, from frustration to compassion, changes everything.